EVERYTHING I DO IS FUCKING DOPE/BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO
So ….I just found out that my ex girlfriend who I recently broke up with is now with someone else. She actually told me herself in an effort to help us both “move on”.
Wow, did that ever hurt….and was extra hard for me to wrap my head around. After our 3 and a half year relationship, and spending the last 2 months single fucking around with random girls and having a good time, the LAST thing I would wanna do is get into another one.
Also, I should mention that every new girl I kiss/fool around/sleep with just serves to remind me how amazing our original chemistry was and how it can’t compare to what we had.
Once again, this makes me NOT wanna get into another relationship or rush into something with someone.
May I also remind you that my biological clock is ticking and I really need to reach the astronomical levels of success that I’ve planned for myself in the next 3-5 years.
So a relationship would definitely be counter productive to those goals.
But that still doesn’t stop my heart from feeling like a semi truck ran over it on a daily basis. I miss my best friend so much. I miss our connection and our ability to spend countless hours together and not get bored. We could literally have endless conversation. I miss how sweet, understanding and caring she was….her kiss and her incredible body. I miss how we could finish each others sentences and predict what the other person was thinking.
I miss all of it so much.
Yet, I acknowledge its not the right time for us right now, and according to her, probably never will be again.
So what do i have left?
I have my best friends, my family, and my work.
I am so incredibly lucky to be where I am right now. My mom looked at me today and basically told me to snap the fuck out of my depressive state.
So Im gonna try. I don’t give a fuck anymore. I can’t keep looking back over my shoulder in hopes that something is gonna work out when both of aren’t even solid individuals yet.
Do I think she’s stupid for rushing into something so soon after we broke it off?
YES X a thousand, - BUT I want her to be happy ultimately, and she can do whatever she wants in order to achieve that.
I’ll always love her so much, but now I need to learn how to love myself.